what a trip.

The events of the last week have been so intense and overwhelming that I find myself wondering where the days went. Today was a horrible experience and I just want it to be over. My mind is so frightened right now. The darkness... silence... there isn't anything it is okay with that is not sensually engaging for me, but I'm so tired and all I want to do is go to sleep. I feel as if this is a good opportunity for me to share a song that I've written, more for me than everyone else, but that's what this is for anyway isn't it.

Castle in the Clouds

I'm tired, I haven't slept a wink in three days

And I know that I'm from some place that is quite far away

But still, is that the way to treat someone like me?

Cause you just seem to do what you please

They say once it grows dark here it never turns back

But you point and you grin and you laugh and then you ask

Is it you? I swear that you don't belong

And I know soon you'll be long dead and gone

Walk through this maze

You will not

Sometimes I just feel like drifting away in my head

I'm speaking these words but no one has heard what I've said

In time I know you'll see my point of view

And then we'll bend the facts to match what is true

Wet my feet in the creek as it drifts slow up the hill

Time has been lost here but forever has been as well

So dream of houses up among the stars 

But we know none of them will ever be one of ours

I don't like the last line there, but I'll fix it eventually. I wrote this with somebody else in mind, but it feels more like a conversation with myself now. Strange feeling.

I hate titles

Is it wrong for me to dislike my girlfriend's favorite musician when she likes all of my favorite musicians? Probably. I don't know, I just don't like him.

I feel down for no reason. I'm not enjoying my life right now... I feel empty and meaningless. I don't even enjoy playing my music right now. It's all stupid and meaningless; nonsensical words, boring guitar work, and shitty vocals. Why should I even bother recording my music when 90% of the planet will never hear, and 60-80% of the people that do hear it will disregard it as horrible.

And don't tell me it's worth it to go for that target audience. Bullshit. At least school is almost over so I can sit around moping all day.

Is this life?

Pretty crazy how fast moods can change. I went from being fairly happy and confident about the rest of this week to being extremely angry and depressed with extreme negativity about the end of this week.

Basically what I'm saying is that I hate my life.

6 days of glory

Already have six days of studio time booked with my buddy Johnny for the beginning of summer. The most epic production of my life has begun, and I am going to see it through until the end. Once it's finished it will be one of the ambitious things I've ever undertaken and completed. I'm excited for the feeling once it's done.

It'll be slightly related to the feeling I had upon completing my math final today. Not only was it my last math assignment of the school year, but it will be last math anything forever. No required classes at Evergreen... Fuck yes. 

I'm done! Thank you fucking... Zeus?

The love drug

Why does being drunk make you so happy? I don't understand at all. Honest as hell too... I think a new interrogation technique should be to get prisoners just wasted enough to put them into this excellent mood where they'll start talking about anything you want. Anyway... I'm sleepy.

Oh. Look up Cloud Cult (it's a band).

An end to the trip?

Apparently every bit of emotional exertion is not enough. Legitimate dedication is evidently absent from the youth of this age.

Fuck this. Fuck you too. Why are you even reading this bullshit?

5 Hour Energy

You know for sure that a drink is European when it comes in liters. Keep that in mind when buying your beverages. Anyway, just checking in with some thoughts at 2 a.m. on Tuesday morning. I'm here pulling an all-nighter writing a paper on Philip K. Dick. The subject matter is making it extremely enjoyable, yet the hours of work are a bit intense. My back is hurting and all I want is a joint to fix it, but I'd rather have a chiropractor get on top of that shit. Sometimes I wish that my girlfriend was a chiropractor, but unfortunately I do not think it is to be... Alas, she has myriad other redeeming qualities. Speaking of myriad I'd like to take a moment to discuss the word:

Myriad can be defined two ways, as a noun or as an adjective. My sophomore english teacher, Mr. Ross brought this question up into my head many a time. Is it myriad ways, or a myriad of ways? The answer: it's both. Do whatever the hell you think looks and sounds better. I personally flip back and forth. I wonder what Philip K. Dick woulda said... Who knows?

Not me.

"It's not I, Travis"

Shush, Ms. Chiarella.