apologies

Well, sorry for the false announcement. Unfortunately my life fell apart before I could write anything.

That's really all I have to say about that... This is  a bit public for me to spout endless emotions and I already did that anyway.

Whatever.

Kunek is now known as Other Lives, fyi.

And so the story goes

So I figured a few days off from blogging would be good. Oh well. Anyway, I'm back and will be implementing a few changes. One will be that I will be writing short stories on the blog now, not every post but as often as I can. They won't be long stories necessarily, but they may be. I really do not know the length of my ambition.

So I will begin my first story post now, but I do not know when it be posted. Sometime tonight or tomorrow morning. We'll see what it turns into.

Juno-106

One good thing, one bad thing. Good thing is that I am now the proud owner of a Roland Juno-106 Polyphonic Analog Synthesizer. That is very very awesome, yet on the other hand the bad news is that I seem to have a new, extremely capable ability of fucking my life up.

Why has this ability risen from the depths of my dark interior and surface now, of all points in time? I dunno... Maybe I should just go back to my synthesizer.

On demand?

I've been meaning to write a new blog for a few days. This one is a bit different, maybe it will be forced, maybe it will be spastic... Who knows? Not me. It's fun to think about how nobody really knows because this post isn't even published yet.  A lot of times I write these posts to help me out, but from the perspective of somebody else reading them later. If they're for me, than why? Because they're really not for me. Maybe I'm writing this shit for somebody to not repeat the same mistakes that I made, or to not go through the same mental Olympics as me. Seems a bit obvious now that I think about it... It doesn't really matter anyway, cause only four or so people read this...

What is it about Wilco that makes them so great? They aren't psychedelic, they aren't stoner-ish, they aren't alcohol-oriented, and they aren't particularly original, yet their music is so endearing and so emotionally touching that you can't ignore Jeff Tweedy's brilliance. Depends on the album I suppose.

About this 2008 South Ossetian War... all I have to say is that you should look it up yourself. I don't truly know everything about Georgia, but it appears to be the victim of a totalitarian Russia. It offered complete autonomy to South Ossetia, yet they refused demanding independence. This seems reasonable to a certain extent (what the fuck are they gonna do with a population of 70,000? Economy? What economy?) yet Russia's invasion is fucking ridiculous. Georgia is a strongly democratic nation, fuck, President Saakashvili had elections a year early and was re-elected. Russia is entering into undisputed Georgian territory, with a vastly superior military force, with unknown intentions. Its intentions seem oddly self-interested. Similar to the United States' ordeal with Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm sick of this shit. I feel like the world should divided into even segments (population wise) and new nations should be declared. Whatever... Nevermind. Russia is fucked up. Vladimir Putin was already President. Now he's Prime Minister. Raise any questions?

Anyway... life. Life has not been treating me well. Life is a vague term though. It is both the mental perception of what is happening, and what is actually happening. In my case, what is actually happening is far greater than my mental perception of it. Once I'm in a funk I tend to stay there. This is unfortunate, yet it makes me extremely humble. I guess that's what drugs are for... Maybe not.

I realize at this moment that I am truly afraid of the future. I do not want to know what is going to happen. I may be okay with it at this point, but for now I like the present. Time machines are for changing the past to change the present. I guess Back to the Future II changed all that though...

Whatever. Hey you! Night...

I hate:

My life, my songs, the way more recordings keep coming out, the way my heart feels like its made of cheap plastic, people, what I'm typing now, the fact that I can't talk to anybody, the fact that I reach above my head, and the fact that I have to write an essay while hating everything.

Fun fun fun.

Maybe I shouldn't.

Love

So I'm in love with a girl named Corey Rose. That's about all...

p.s. Podcast to be uploaded soon. We'll see how that goes...

Voltaic Crusher/Undrum to Muted Da - of Montreal

I write a thousand songs for you a day

But I never run out of things to say

You're my Ulysses that I'll never end

Now that I fucked up, lost you, sweet friend

Everything is in trash, and it's my fault

I've destroyed us, I know, it's unrecoverable

If there's a God he will repair your heart

If there's a God, send her an angel

Make him handsome and clever and not crazy

And you notice something wonderful

Someone to love her volcanically

And please, please, please God, don't be a bastard

Christ knows she deserves something nice for a change

Christ knows she deserves something nice for a change

I am a flaw, I'm a mistake

I am fault, I always break

I tried, you don't believe me, but I did 

I tried to mature, be responsible, dot dot dot

But my heart is juvenile

And my character's not so hot

You gave me your hand, I gave you a fist

Please don't lose any sleep over me, baby I hardly exist

You gave me your hand, I gave you a fist

Please don't lose any sleep over me, baby I hardly exist

You gave me everything, still I resist

Please don't lose any sleep over me, baby I hardly exist

I hardly exist

It's hard as an artist to try and write something new, when the exact feelings have already been expressed. Hell, this has been expressed hundreds of times... Why should I bother? Because I have to, that's why. I can't function as a person without expressing what I feel, no matter how many times it already has been.

I definitely shouldn't be.

or

Maybe I should be.

What the fuck...

I am so fucking aggravated that I'm going to go insane. It is so fucking late and I've never pulled an all-nighter for no reason. Maybe the reason is that I am upset with some people when I shouldn't be.

5:00 am

It's only 5:00 am. It's not that late. The question is: am I going to sleep anytime during the rest of the morning? I doubt it. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I'm hungry but I can't eat. Lies are eating me. Naiveness is killing me. Sometimes I wonder why people see the world the way they want to, and not realize that it is never that way.

I wonder if I could take a bath at this hour and get away with it. Maybe... I think I'll try in a few minutes. I'm awfully parched. A bath would provide all the water I need... but I don't want to fall asleep in it. I wonder if I could sleep there. I don't think I could sleep in my bed. But I finally disconnected the cunt with the final straw. Drunk driving was only mildly involved. Emotional bitches are the most annoying of all... Maybe if you're going to use them, you should have someone else do the talking instead.

Maybe I'm being crude. But that is about how I feel. Maybe I should just shut up.

hope

Meriam-Webster defines "hope" as "a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen." They're pretty fucking wrong on that one. Hope is "the strong desire for something to occur, despite even odds that it will or will not." At least that's what I feel hope is. Hope is even in the face of unequal odds, not in your favor. Does it matter? No.

I have hope that my life will be the way it was. But it won't. When life changes it's never the same again. That's the way it is, unfortunately... I'm  not really in the state of mind to analyze shit, but I can see that much.

Rose is a Rose is a Rose

The biggest mistake thus far in my young life has finally come round to bite me in the ass so hard that I've created this relaxingly sad song. I don't think the title is the final title:

Rose, there's a place for us I know

Through the flowers past the trees

In a garden grove

Rose, all you gotta do

Is look into my eyes

And realize I love you

And we'll be fine

As long as you're here with me

Rose, please don't turn away

There's nothing there to see

Except a single lonely grave

Instead, turn to me and say

The words I've been hearing now

Every single day

Even if they're empty

They mean so much to me

what humanity?

Humans? All humans are just animals with bigger brains.

I really don't have much else to say. My animal instincts are kicking in and I'm hungry.