Bad Weather in My Temporary Head

Well here I am on New Year's Eve writing a blog post. Not exactly what I'd like to be doing. I'm in LA visiting my aunt and uncle, who I like a lot, but what I really do not like is being semi-forced into Hollywood socialite gatherings. I don't even like hanging out with more than 5 friends at a time, let alone complete strangers.

Let me just put it this way. I wasn't in the Bay Area for last New Year's either. Actually, I don't remember last New Year's at all, but I know it was sober and friendless. The last New Year's Eve I had for myself was sophomore year. I remember exactly what I did (for the most part) and I was NOT sober. How weird is that? Can't remember a sober night a year ago, but I remember a non-sober one two years ago. Whatever. I guess I just feel lonely. Or maybe I'm being deprived of my last fucking vacation in high school. I guess I won't care in the long run, but right now it fucking sucks.

I don't want to be writing this. And you shouldn't be reading this. Go jack off.

Human Gasoline

I've never really understood the human obsession with food. There are millions of obese people who stuff their pieholes with whatever--because its tasty. There are millions of people who only the most "exquisite" fine meals prepared at the most upscale restaurants--because its delectable. There are even religions where you fast to show your commitment to god, and when you're done fasting, you stuff your face.

It's all BULLSHIT.

Food is like human gasoline. You put it in to run your internal components. It is nothing more, than that. Sure it can be delicious, like cake or pastries, but they are still not exceptions to the rule.

Anytime a person swallows, anything at all, the esophagus uses something called peristalsis to push the food down your throat. This is the contraction of muscles around the food to push it downwards. Now, this is key to remember. When you are taking a shit, you rectum uses peristalsis to push the shit out. So, your body uses the exact same function to both consume and extract food to and from your body.

In one hole, out the other. Gas in the tank, out the exhaust.

You can kiss my ass if you disagree, because this is something I'm too opinionated to debate. You cannot argue my point, because it is absolute truth.

Fat people eat too much, rich people think about it too much, and poor people can't afford to eat enough. Food is food. So eat it in the right doses and shut up.

psilocybin thought

I feel like instrumental bands will never have the same sort of connection to audiences at live shows that a vocal band can. SImply because of the fact that whenever the instrumentalists look at the audience its always awkward. Just a thought.

tracklist+eccentricities

Here's where I'm at:

To prevent my bad habit of starting blogs and then scrapping them because I feel they are too short or because there is more I want to say, but do not feel like taking the time to finish. So, I will begin updating weekly (hopefully) and will be trying Ross' method of blogging. We'll see how it goes, but I have a sneaking suspicion that my lazy brain will not feel like using this method. Whatever...

Speaking of Ross, I'm not sure I'll ever be capable of calling him Justin. It's just too strange for me, simply because Mr. Ross was engraved in my brain two years ago and even the existence of his first name was strange since I sort of thought of him as just Ross. Oh well, too late now. Hopefully he doesn't mind being called Ross too much.

I'm sort of semi-watching Blade Runner as I type this. It is either the original version, which has voiceover, or the extended addition, which has voiceover as well as some scenes from the director's cut. I must admit, no matter what version, it is an extremely bad ass movie. I do have a strong distaste for the voiceover, but so did Harrison Ford. He read it deadpan because he hoped it'd be scrapped. Unfortunately, it was not. The director's cut fixed this problem, and is (literally) my 2nd favorite (favorite depending on mood) movie of all time. Wow. Fuck this voiceover... it just ruined the best part of the entire movie. Anyway...

This just reminded me, I haven't turned in my senior words. I knew them 100% earlier but now I'm not sure. It will either be:

"There is no growing in knowing where you're going."

 

or

"All those moments lost in time, like tears in the rain."

By the way it's the extended cut. The worst of them all. I still haven't seen the final cut... which I own. Oh well.

I'm feeling very spastic. I think I need to go get high and chill the fuck out before I go to bed. If I can write this much at this hour than I need a chill pill. This is how my brain usually functions at night. Not cool.

Well I'm high now. This is going to be a strange blog post, simply because of the fact that I have been picking it up and putting back down for a while. It is also the first post I have admitted to being intoxicated while writing. Setting that aside, let's talk about the ep.

I listened to most of what we've recorded the other day, and I must say that we are getting there. With some real work and serious effort this will be done in January. I'll set up a show for February. Sound good? I can't remember if I already done this here, but:

The Moon Trench

Oscillations

Czar Tethys

Symphony for Sunshine

I See Forever

Lunar Oceans

Lunar Lighthouse

So it's been almost a month since I last posted, and the last post probably didn't satisfy anyone that actually reads this blog. I doubt that anyone checks it anymore because I haven't posted in so long. Anyway, I wanted to write a post to both satisfy my guilt and my oh-so-many readers.

So, I have to say that I am extremely disappointed in the extent of completion for our ep. If it is not done by sometime in January, I am going to shoot myself. Not actually, but I might as well. It pisses me off how little motivation I have sometimes. It's probably because I smoke too much pot, but I like being high. Personally, I think the main reason it is taking so long is because I have to get up so balls ass early for school everyday. Who wants to do anything when they get up at 7:40 in the morning? Not me.

So, I am going to spend a very long time recording myself today. It is a Sunday, I have only a little bit of homework, I don't really give a shit about school (except I gotta get a good grade on this psych test tomorrow), and I will die inside if this isn't done soon. These reasons all point to me getting my ass out of this chair, walking downstairs and taking five minutes to set up some microphones. The only problem is that I have no good headphones. Fuck that shit. My Bose headphones broke after two years of mishandling. Oh well... Who gives a shit. Listen to it later.

Fuck this blog. I'd rather never write here again, if I could finish this goddamn ep.

Travisland

Am I a dork because I enjoy looking up different forms of government and trying to find all the subtle differences that make one more democratic than another? So far I have a few obvious favorites, but I have some major faults with them as well. Is it possible for a country to truly become as democratic as it could ever be? I feel like (despite the direct representation/100% true democracy obvious one) that a system that is as democratic as possible can be achieved--in relative terms.

Is that gibberish? I haven't designed my perfect government yet, so don't ask. I will tell you it is certainly not presidential. Nor is it much like the United States at all. I will tell you a few things that are absolutely essential to a perfect government:

Small size - a country with smaller borders has a smaller population, allowing for much more representation in the government with fewer representatives.

Bicameral legislature - this does not mean that one house of the legislature must be more powerful than the other, simply that each one checks the others power. No concentration of power into a single parliament or congress like in England and Sweden.

Flexibility - a country's constitution can easily change how quickly the country can change directions. it can easily become too rigid, and some flex should be included in the government. This can help lead to the next fundamental requirement.

Multi-party system - multi-party does not mean 2 dominant parties for long periods of time. Multiple parties means that enough parties are present to prevent any one from obtaining a majority.

50% Proportional Representation/50% Plurality in Single Member Districts - individually, each of these can bypass democracy easily. together, however, they work incredibly well. There are many countries that only use one or the other that are quite democratic, but I would still argue my point. 

Judicial Branch - a judicial branch is key, although it does not always require a great deal of power. The only real power that the judicial branch must have without a doubt is the ability to review laws constitutionality. However, this power can result in a great variety of different roles for the judicial branch.

In my book, these things are absolute requirements for a "perfect" government. Sorry for the dorky post, it's just been on my mind lately.

stuff

I'm horrible at blogging these days... Oh well.

I only have a few quick things that I would really like to say:

1. I am officially a Geoduck. I was accepted at Evergreen on November 5th, 2008 and begin attending class on September 28, 2009. Intense, no?

2. I am procuring a Volcano tomorrow. Fun, fun, fun.

3. Possible Blakes show on Christmas. Quite unlikely though. Either way, our ep SHOULD and WILL be done by then. So if we do play=CD release party.

Sad Panda

I don't think that there is anything worse than watching the person you love be unhappy while you can't do anything about it. It is both extremely frustrating, because you are unable to make them happy and it is usually not your fault, as well as fairly depressing, because they're unhappy. I'd say that so far in my entire life, having an unhappy girlfriend is the worst thing there is. Some might argue with this, but I believe I am right for two reasons:

1. This statement can be stretched to fit anything, from not being able to hang out to losing a limb in a car accident. Unhappy lover=unhappy other lover. I think this is a sign of a good relationship, though. 

2. The only possible thing that could be more important to you than the person you love, is probably your child. Seeing as I don't have a child...

All you can do is just wait and hope they feel better tomorrow, because you know that you have been in the exact opposite situation and it is difficult to be in. I am going to focus all of my positive energy on Corey and hope that her night isn't as shitty as it was when I left. Hopefully my good energy will help out. Also, hopefully she won't read this and get sadder... That would make me feel like a pretty lame person.

In conjunction with these thoughts, I'd like to announce that The Mattresses' ep, The Moon Trench, will be complete and available on Dec. 12. It will be a darker album, to coincide with our lovely weather.

Perfectionism

If I could let everyone on the planet know one thing, it would be that recording is the most difficult process that has ever been known to man.

Thanks, 

Travis

The Transit of Earth

So I feel bad about not posting as much as I used to, but there are two main reasons for this:

1. School has begun and takes up the majority of my time, despite being rather easy this year.

2. I have felt somewhat shitty for the last few months and finishing a post has become rather difficult. I've started quite a few posts that are now saved in my drafts somewhere, waiting to be finished.

Particularly number 2 this last week or so. I've started two or three posts that have dwindled away into nothingness somewhere in my brain. Maybe it's been my mindset that has created this inability to follow through. I don't know... I'd say that the best I felt in the last week was last night. I was vaporizing by myself in my car (via a power adaptor) and some dj on KALX played The Transit of Earth by Arthur C. Clarke (that's a sci-fi story, for you uneducated) with Clarke reading it. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't sad either. I felt no connection to the world, but rather to the astronaut of the story who was stranded on Mars, recording Earth's alignment with the sun, Mars, and the moon. The character had only a few days of oxygen and was forced to come to terms with his death. The strangest part of the story was that, despite writing it, Clarke read the story with no emotion. That is probably what struck me most. I felt at ease, peaceful. That is what his voice did to me. The character was not afraid of dying, and neither was I.

The Mattresses ep is now fully planned, and partially executed. To be completed within the next two months. Title will be announced (here for the masses) as it nears completion. It is approximately half the length of the album, which was scrapped after too much time in limbo. I needed something to plan and get excited about, and of course it worked. Now all I can think about are the transitions.

Maybe I like being alone. I'm talking to Adrian, and that's what he suggested. I think I might agree, not sure...

Sorry for the downer. If you can't handle it, then you should pass on the ep, which is also on the darker side. Music is different than whining though... so maybe you could reconsider. It is free, after all. (Except for copies with artwork.)

Thom+Jonny/George+John=me in my head

I'd say that this little tiny ep that probably won't even be pressed is my White Album. In terms of Radiohead, you could say it is either my Kid A or my In Rainbows. Probably closer to Kid A.

Ending in Sight - Mission Green Status

I'm usually not very pissed at my cat, because I'm usually very happy to see him... but right now I am very angry and I am going to vent here. He bit through the chord of a rater nice pair of sony headphones that I own and now they are fucking useless. this upsets me because they were a present from my mom that I appreciated cause it was when I first got into music that I got them, and they also looked like the headphones that my favorite actor wears in this french movie that I like a lot. I have the poster of it up on my wall... That's how much I like it.

Anyway, to look on the bright side it will be easier to use the headphones and ear protection during band practice. That is, if we ever start practicing again. At the moment we're recording our continuously morphing ep/album (now an ep), but plan to finish it in the near future. Within the next 2 months is the concrete goal.

I'm up too late. I'm not in the best of moods really. I don't really want to talk about it though. Let's just say that the album has transformed from a psychedelic pop bliss treat into a dark, quasi-circus, Radiohead-ish sound. Hopefully, since I wrote all the songs and have designed the album with simple, yet lush psychedelic-ness in mind, it will sound like The Mattresses. I think it will.

Did you know Palin smoked dope?

I'm gonna have to make this one quick as I have to leave to go to Hardly Strictly Bluegrass in a minute or two, but I had a comforting thought that I felt needed to be shared. While standing at the kitchen sink eating some waffles a moment ago, I was reflecting on the Saturday Night Live opening skit last night, which included Tina Fey as Sarah Palin, Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill, and some SNL dude as Joe Biden (although I cannot remember his name, I must point out that his performance was brilliant). Anyway, this isn't the point, what I was really thinking about was how much I disliked Sarah Palin, which led me to one thought: if she was really just introduced to me a month or so ago, and I already hate her as much as George Bush... than I am happy. Why? Think about all those fucking annoying, lying, sacks of shit that you never ever have to meet in your entire life! Fucking comforting in my mind.

Than again, I suppose that means you will not meet a lot of awesome people too. However, I have found the number of fuckheads is higher than the number of awesome people.

Oh well... whatever. I'm off to get stoned and watch Iron & Wine.

Love and laundry

Forgive me for the lateness:

Have you ever thought about love? What is it? I have no idea what love is, but I know I'm in love. There's some saying that says if you're in love you just know you are, and I definitely agree. But what the fuck is it?

I could try and define it, but I'd only be the quadrillionth person who tried to do so. I know that I am in love, but I don't know what love really is. It's just a word that means that very specific feeling that everyone experiences at some point.

Sometimes I wonder if love is like LSD: an extremely different, yet hauntingly similar experience for everyone. 

In addition, I sometimes wonder if there is anything better on the planet than wearing warm laundry on a chilly day. The answer is yes, but it either costs money or takes work.

Slow Start

Album is at a virtual standstill for a moment... Oh well, it gives us time to work on the album art. I haven't been thinking about it too much recently either, except for one particular song which I can't seem to figure out what I want to do with. It is called Sunspots/Are We Spinning? and I do not know how I would like to orchestrate it. I may even work on it in a moment here. Acoustic? Electric? Clean? Distorted? Who knows? I'm considering just taking acid and thinking about that song for 3 hours. I could decide what to do with it then. The problem is just that I don't know the beginning and the end is awesome... So I don't know. That's life I guess.

You ever see that point in something where you know it is going to end very soon? Did you overcome it? I did. It feels quite nice, thank you.

So I'm currently enjoying a new band called Mojave 3. Their album Puzzles Like You is folkish pop goodness. I recommend it, however their other albums are supposed to be different. I dunno though, as I have yet to even sample them. As a tangent to this topic, I recommend checking out pandora.com, it is an online music categorization website that will play radio stations of similar music to bands you already enjoy. Go try it out, its free to test and sign up. Quite awesome.

That's all for now... I guess. My apologies for the poor blogging skills as of late.

apologies

Well, sorry for the false announcement. Unfortunately my life fell apart before I could write anything.

That's really all I have to say about that... This is  a bit public for me to spout endless emotions and I already did that anyway.

Whatever.

Kunek is now known as Other Lives, fyi.

And so the story goes

So I figured a few days off from blogging would be good. Oh well. Anyway, I'm back and will be implementing a few changes. One will be that I will be writing short stories on the blog now, not every post but as often as I can. They won't be long stories necessarily, but they may be. I really do not know the length of my ambition.

So I will begin my first story post now, but I do not know when it be posted. Sometime tonight or tomorrow morning. We'll see what it turns into.

Juno-106

One good thing, one bad thing. Good thing is that I am now the proud owner of a Roland Juno-106 Polyphonic Analog Synthesizer. That is very very awesome, yet on the other hand the bad news is that I seem to have a new, extremely capable ability of fucking my life up.

Why has this ability risen from the depths of my dark interior and surface now, of all points in time? I dunno... Maybe I should just go back to my synthesizer.

On demand?

I've been meaning to write a new blog for a few days. This one is a bit different, maybe it will be forced, maybe it will be spastic... Who knows? Not me. It's fun to think about how nobody really knows because this post isn't even published yet.  A lot of times I write these posts to help me out, but from the perspective of somebody else reading them later. If they're for me, than why? Because they're really not for me. Maybe I'm writing this shit for somebody to not repeat the same mistakes that I made, or to not go through the same mental Olympics as me. Seems a bit obvious now that I think about it... It doesn't really matter anyway, cause only four or so people read this...

What is it about Wilco that makes them so great? They aren't psychedelic, they aren't stoner-ish, they aren't alcohol-oriented, and they aren't particularly original, yet their music is so endearing and so emotionally touching that you can't ignore Jeff Tweedy's brilliance. Depends on the album I suppose.

About this 2008 South Ossetian War... all I have to say is that you should look it up yourself. I don't truly know everything about Georgia, but it appears to be the victim of a totalitarian Russia. It offered complete autonomy to South Ossetia, yet they refused demanding independence. This seems reasonable to a certain extent (what the fuck are they gonna do with a population of 70,000? Economy? What economy?) yet Russia's invasion is fucking ridiculous. Georgia is a strongly democratic nation, fuck, President Saakashvili had elections a year early and was re-elected. Russia is entering into undisputed Georgian territory, with a vastly superior military force, with unknown intentions. Its intentions seem oddly self-interested. Similar to the United States' ordeal with Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm sick of this shit. I feel like the world should divided into even segments (population wise) and new nations should be declared. Whatever... Nevermind. Russia is fucked up. Vladimir Putin was already President. Now he's Prime Minister. Raise any questions?

Anyway... life. Life has not been treating me well. Life is a vague term though. It is both the mental perception of what is happening, and what is actually happening. In my case, what is actually happening is far greater than my mental perception of it. Once I'm in a funk I tend to stay there. This is unfortunate, yet it makes me extremely humble. I guess that's what drugs are for... Maybe not.

I realize at this moment that I am truly afraid of the future. I do not want to know what is going to happen. I may be okay with it at this point, but for now I like the present. Time machines are for changing the past to change the present. I guess Back to the Future II changed all that though...

Whatever. Hey you! Night...

I hate:

My life, my songs, the way more recordings keep coming out, the way my heart feels like its made of cheap plastic, people, what I'm typing now, the fact that I can't talk to anybody, the fact that I reach above my head, and the fact that I have to write an essay while hating everything.

Fun fun fun.

Maybe I shouldn't.

Love

So I'm in love with a girl named Corey Rose. That's about all...

p.s. Podcast to be uploaded soon. We'll see how that goes...

Voltaic Crusher/Undrum to Muted Da - of Montreal

I write a thousand songs for you a day

But I never run out of things to say

You're my Ulysses that I'll never end

Now that I fucked up, lost you, sweet friend

Everything is in trash, and it's my fault

I've destroyed us, I know, it's unrecoverable

If there's a God he will repair your heart

If there's a God, send her an angel

Make him handsome and clever and not crazy

And you notice something wonderful

Someone to love her volcanically

And please, please, please God, don't be a bastard

Christ knows she deserves something nice for a change

Christ knows she deserves something nice for a change

I am a flaw, I'm a mistake

I am fault, I always break

I tried, you don't believe me, but I did 

I tried to mature, be responsible, dot dot dot

But my heart is juvenile

And my character's not so hot

You gave me your hand, I gave you a fist

Please don't lose any sleep over me, baby I hardly exist

You gave me your hand, I gave you a fist

Please don't lose any sleep over me, baby I hardly exist

You gave me everything, still I resist

Please don't lose any sleep over me, baby I hardly exist

I hardly exist

It's hard as an artist to try and write something new, when the exact feelings have already been expressed. Hell, this has been expressed hundreds of times... Why should I bother? Because I have to, that's why. I can't function as a person without expressing what I feel, no matter how many times it already has been.

I definitely shouldn't be.

or

Maybe I should be.

What the fuck...

I am so fucking aggravated that I'm going to go insane. It is so fucking late and I've never pulled an all-nighter for no reason. Maybe the reason is that I am upset with some people when I shouldn't be.

5:00 am

It's only 5:00 am. It's not that late. The question is: am I going to sleep anytime during the rest of the morning? I doubt it. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I'm hungry but I can't eat. Lies are eating me. Naiveness is killing me. Sometimes I wonder why people see the world the way they want to, and not realize that it is never that way.

I wonder if I could take a bath at this hour and get away with it. Maybe... I think I'll try in a few minutes. I'm awfully parched. A bath would provide all the water I need... but I don't want to fall asleep in it. I wonder if I could sleep there. I don't think I could sleep in my bed. But I finally disconnected the cunt with the final straw. Drunk driving was only mildly involved. Emotional bitches are the most annoying of all... Maybe if you're going to use them, you should have someone else do the talking instead.

Maybe I'm being crude. But that is about how I feel. Maybe I should just shut up.

hope

Meriam-Webster defines "hope" as "a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen." They're pretty fucking wrong on that one. Hope is "the strong desire for something to occur, despite even odds that it will or will not." At least that's what I feel hope is. Hope is even in the face of unequal odds, not in your favor. Does it matter? No.

I have hope that my life will be the way it was. But it won't. When life changes it's never the same again. That's the way it is, unfortunately... I'm  not really in the state of mind to analyze shit, but I can see that much.

Rose is a Rose is a Rose

The biggest mistake thus far in my young life has finally come round to bite me in the ass so hard that I've created this relaxingly sad song. I don't think the title is the final title:

Rose, there's a place for us I know

Through the flowers past the trees

In a garden grove

Rose, all you gotta do

Is look into my eyes

And realize I love you

And we'll be fine

As long as you're here with me

Rose, please don't turn away

There's nothing there to see

Except a single lonely grave

Instead, turn to me and say

The words I've been hearing now

Every single day

Even if they're empty

They mean so much to me

what humanity?

Humans? All humans are just animals with bigger brains.

I really don't have much else to say. My animal instincts are kicking in and I'm hungry.

music! again...

Adrian has fixed the music player by uploading it from a PC. La-dee-da.

time

So the great cycle of life continues. Have you ever noticed how relentless time is? It just never stops. Sometimes it makes me anxious to stare at my atomic clock because the seconds never stop clicking right by. Then all of a sudden it's tomorrow. The day before is just a blur of images that grow darker by the hour. By the second even. Is this good? Is it bad? I don't know, "for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Time is relative. I've often wondered if somebody born on the same day as me experiences time at the same pace. I guess I'll never know. It's an impossible thing to measure anyway.

I watched a cool movie last night. It's called Stay and is by the same director as Stranger Than Fiction. It is a psychological thriller in the vein of Vanilla Sky (brilliant movie). The directing was brilliant, and the same goes for the editing. The ending was a bit weak compared to the rest, but I still found it satisfying enough. Anyway, you can watch it if you'd like, but my main point is that it had  a sick quote that I liked. "Bad art is more tragically beautiful than good art because it chronicles human failure."

Makes me wonder if I'll be remembered fondly for great art or because it was tragically beautiful.

no music!

The player was a fucking piece of shit and would not cooperate on PCs. Another reason that PCs can suck my penis. They don't cooperate with mac even though mac will cooperate with them. PC stands for Piece of Crap thank you very much.

music! music!

With the help of my friend and fellow blogger of the blogosphere Adrian I have been able to upload 21 songs of psychedelic awesomeness. The track names and band names are a bit hard to read, so if you ever have a question feel free to ask in the form of a comment. Of course there are only three of you, and you probably already know the bands. Oh well... at least it sounds nice. One of the songs is Hallelujah by The Helio Sequence. I invite you all to read the lyrics I posted while listening.

Anyway, I don't really have much else to say. I guess I can add that I saw The Dark Knight tonight, and although it was good, and Heath Ledger was awesome, I don't understand it's explosion of popularity. It shot to number one on IMDb.com after a week or something. Ridiculous. It's not in my top 100 movies, I mean it might be if I actually did the list, but it's not that mindblowing to me.

Try watching 2001: A Space Odyssey, or the original Solaris. Fucking new age ignorants. Nobody knows what art is anymore. I'm getting tired of fist fights, guns, and explosions. I guess I'm not watching the right movies these days. Nobody else is either though.

Whatever. And rest well Heath, I miss you already.

Radiohead status?

Recently I've felt a bit like Radiohead while trying to record In Rainbows. It took them a fucking long ass time to finally start producing records that they found satisfactory. I'm afraid I'll be unable to produce anything that I'm happy with for years. I don't want that to happen, I produce songs too fast for me to be working on old ones for that long. I just want to produce an album of good quality that I can listen to and think that I did a pretty good job. Is this too much to ask for? Are the recording gods so cruel?

Anyway, I've recently discovered that I have not one, not two, but three faithful (I think) readers. Far out. I can dig, but either way. I've said before and I'll say again that this is mostly for me to express my own thoughts in a rational sense. Clears my head, helps me think, blah blah blah. Whatever. Just a friendly hello to you folks.

How many of you people have heard of Methuselah? I don't mean the giant wine bottle (although that sounds awesome as well), I mean the grandfather of Noah (who built the ark). Supposedly he lived to be 969 years old. Now don't think I believe a word of what the bible says, but some of it was probably based on something. I want to know who the fuck Methuselah was based on... How long did that guy really live? My bet is like... 100. Living past 50 back then was probably considered ancient.

I really like the word alluvial, but it doesn't have that deep a meaning... Oh well, that's never stopped me before.

Anyway, apologies for the outburst of the night previous, and remember: don't be sober for too long. You'll start to think too much.

good recording?

Not possible. I suck. I can't be satisfied and the song I'm listening to sounds like shit. They all sound like shit. Why do I bother?

I shouldn't.

p.s.

I fuckin love waffles. Anytime, anywhere.

Sleepless in Somewhere

What is the logic in staying up later when you are already exhausted? You do not function well enough to gain anything from that extra time you were up and you just keep thinking about wanting to go to bed. Yet, for some reason... I just want to stay up later. I like listening to music when it's dead quiet everywhere else and my body is too tired to do anything but pay attention to as much of the songs as I can.

I don't like having a mirror under my computer (it's for candles) because I can see how tired I look at 2 in the morning.

I like letters that dip below the line of writing. Especially p... it trumps y and g, but all three are awesome (g being the least awesome).

Did you know that in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy mattresses are creatures that are beaten to death before becoming mattresses? Occasionally one isn't quite dead and eats the unsuspecting sleeper alive. Ouch. Those are some intense mattresses, man.

Nothing that interesting is being spouted by mind at this hour. Maybe it's because of the first thought I expressed (yeah, it is, you fucking dumbass). So I am going to go to bed, and leave you with an apology for repeating my human/ape-like comment in the last post. I was drunk, so blame the alcohol. Not me. Or blame me... I can dig it either way.

God?

This is for those smart enough to realize that time is a relative perception: what if it was relative not to your age, but to the day you were going to die? If I were going to die when I was 20, time would be speeding by extremely quickly right now (which it is... hm...). Anyway, think about that. Get back to me if you feel you have something good to say in response.

Is there anything more attractive than female musicians? I put forward my vote to say that there is not.

Have you ever seen somebody that looked more ape-like than human? Strange sight, but I feel that it is the strongest argument for evolution. Not that there needs to be one when the opposite argument is intelligent design. Makes me laugh that some people are that stupid and/or closed-minded.

Fuck it. I'll just get drunk every night (since I can't get high or trip) and pass out to good music. At least my life will be better than those celibate priests who never get to make love to anyone. Fucking idiots. God! God! God! Fuck that shit. A creation of confused minds 10,000 years ago. Waste your life on that bullshit if you want, but I'd rather spend my life having sex, playing music, and doing drugs. Thank you very much.

Makes me kind of angry really. Maybe I'm just drunk.

Hallelujah - The Helio Sequence

And we go a day, not believe in God

The gray skies fell, we felt the pressure drop

And we were feeling down

Some eyes were looking down at us

The souls that made the call

The judge what when they spoke said, "Not at all"

The words that came made not a sound

A mouth said, "Not a sound at all"

What Sheldon said, "We wrote a book"

And rearranged the size and forms

To look like something understood

Like something we had seen before

And waiting pent, save, sad and look

Up to the stars and counting all the sun and all the moons

How it was that we could not believe

And everyone who believes

And everyone who believes

And they said

"We all said hallelujah"

"We all said hallelujah"

And everyone moves around with ease

And everyone who with ease around and then

"We all said hallelujah"

"We all said hallelujah"

"We don't want answers anyway"

Still we could not conceive the call

The midnight fell, we felt the measure fall

And we were feeling down

Some eyes were looking down at us

And waiting pent, save, sad, and look

Up to the stars and counting all the suns and all the moons

How sad it was that we could not believe

And everyone who believes

And everyone who believes

"We all said hallelujah"

"We all said hallelujah"

And everyone moves around with ease

And everyone fell right to their knees and then

"We all said hallelujah"

"We don't want answers anyway"

"We don't want answers anyway"

Blogger's Block?

I've been having trouble writing posts lately. I've started three or four before calling them off just a few sentences in. Hopefully that will not happen with this post, but seeing as I keep alternating between this and other stuff... who knows? I saw WALL-E tonight, and I must say that I enjoyed it thoroughly. The social commentary was brilliant. The fact that it's a little kids' movie wasn't overwhelming. In fact, it was strangely absent from childish humor, which I support 100%. Whatever...

The Helio Sequence has to be one of the most under-appreciated bands out there today. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like nobody listens to them. It's probably just me, because now that I think about it, the majority of my music is known by very few people. It's strange when a band I like a lot becomes extremely popular. of Montreal's latest album put them on a whole new level, Animal Collective's latest album made them explode with popularity. It makes me wonder... If I do become a musician, is it going to take 8 albums (or more?) for my band to be noticed? I hope not, I hope that I am able to experience success, while musically maturing at the same time.

Maybe I want to have my cake and eat it too. (For those of you that do not understand this statement: if you eat you your cake, you do not have it too, therefore you can only have it or eat it.)

Speaking of cake... it's pretty tasty.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore. But at least I've got a post. Sorry for the delay, oh faithful reader.

Symphony for Sunshine

Born of a construct free from pain

I was told at a young age that I would refrain

From all the selfish gluttonies

That had plagued the world surrounding me

So I went to the South Pole and I built me a home

And I painted it white so I'd be left alone

And no one would find a trace of me

Except some shriveled bones and a symphony

That I'd scored when I was just seventeen

They were the truest words that I'd ever dreamed

Until the day I died when I was twenty-three

Sinking a ship on the Sea of Constantine

In the time it took for my insides

To turn to dust and then crystallize

The world kept on spinning endlessly

Like the final moment of some reverie

That occurred when I was just ninety-three

I was a hundred and eight before it occurred to me

That the only place in the entire world

That was still so utterly unexplored

As for satellites to not ascertain

Was the Transantarctic mountain range

So I took my soul and I buried it deep

In the mountainside before anyone else could see

My bad...

Well I certainly fell behind on these posts again. I was trying to use the blog as sort of a travel log for my trip (just a regular one, sorry) but unfortunately I have already returned. I have a few things to say though... The first is that you should never, ever, EVER fly US Airways. It is the worst fucking airline company that has ever been present on the face of this shithole planet and it deserves to be destroyed completely. When airline hostesses are fucking doing ads for Bank of America over the intercom, I have a right to say this.

That being said... Have you ever seen a person that looks more like an ape than a human? Or at least display more apelike qualities than human qualities? It's kind of a weird sight...

I saw Wanted last night. Don't think that I was going in thinking that it would be a great movie, I walked into this movie knowing there would be bloody shootouts, weird directorial shit, and some fucking sweet stunts. And that's exactly what I got. I have to say that the movie was not all the great, but it was extremely entertaining. I will give it that. I have to say that I wish my heart could beat over 400 bpm so that I could shoot the wings off a fly... (definitely don't, but that would be intense).

I have one last thing to say. It pertains the psychedelic drug LSD. If you enjoy LSD as much as I used to, and think that it is the greatest drug ever invented/discovered, than I have one piece of advice for you. As hard as it is, do not do it within small periods of time. Wait for a few months between acid trips. It will make them so much more pleasing, and also keep you safe from the mistake that I made. Now I have anxiety and I cannot even smoke pot without my heart racing. Very depressing for someone who is in love with Lysergic Acid Diethylamide... Heed my advice, fellow trippers.

Satisfaction

Is satisfaction happiness? Or is it settling for something less than happiness? Tough fucking question. I bring it up because it is hard for me to be satisfied with the recordings we're working on. The good thing though, is that with enough work I am able to get to the point of satisfaction. Some parts I like a lot, other parts not as much. The important thing is to realize that recording is a learning process, not everything will come out the first time. You have to be patient, let it gel, and then sit back and think to yourself: "It could sound better this way."

Unfortunately, you're still taking a blind leap of faith. Unfortunately (maybe fortunately, or we'd never get shit done) life is the equivalent. You'll never fall in love if you don't take the first step and say hello to some pretty girl, or if you don't kiss the girl you've been saying hello to for a year (maybe less). I don't know... I kinda like it that way.

As for this roadtrip I am still on... I'd like to say one thing: east Colorado, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois, and Indiana are super fucking lame. Why? All that's there is farmland, grass, some cities now and then, and a gas station chain known as Kum & Go. I shit you not. Not Come & Go... Kum & Go.

That's basically all you need to know in life. States (countries even?) with a place called Kum & Go in them suck.

Isolation

I feel isolated. Maybe it's because I'm in Oglala, Nebraska... Pretty awesome city, and by city I mean small gathering of motels and fast food restaurants surrounded by endless farms and grass. It might be because no one is responding to my digital attempts at communication right now. Maybe it's a combination of both? Whatever.

Colorado (before and through the Rockies) is absolutely beautiful. Grass, trees, rivers, snow... Awesome. After the Rockies it pretty much gets shitty and as is the equivalent of Nebraska. This has been an enlightening trip--I've discovered most of the country blows. Some of it is alright, but mostly it just sucks. Driving 80 MPH on the freeway isn't quite fast enough. I'm glad there are airplanes.

I feel extra lonely now... What is loneliness? I don't understand it. I'm with my dad, but I've been around him for so fucking long in proportion to my life that he's almost not here. That's kind of mean, but I think you'll catch my drift. I don't know... this is a thought I don't think I could work out if I sat here staring at the screen for an hour.

See. 30 minutes and I can't think of a thing...

p.s.

My girlfriend is legitimately bi, and it turns me on.

as usual

I am getting lazy with blog posts. This is what always happens, but I am going to persevere. On the road currently. Staying in the Rabbit Ears Motel in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. Colorado makes me think of the Grizzly Bear song, maybe it's because it's called Colorado and the word is repeatedly many times in the song. Anyway, I don't have too much to say. It's strange what little bubbles we all live in. I can't imagine traveling to another country, mainly because I've never done it but what I mean is the culture shock. These small towns are so different than the urban area that I'm used to...

It's weird, but the people even look different. Mostly in bad ways to be honest. I saw one of the ugliest women I'd ever seen today at a McDonald's in Utah outside of Salt Lake City. To top it off, she was married to a man with a mullet. Talk about double whammy.

I'm considering showing my girlfriend this blog. It will be weird, considering I've written stuff vaguely about her, or about her stuff. (I'd like to say that when I said I didn't like Elliot Smith I was in a bad mood. I have to listen again... sorry, love.) In fact, I only know of one person who legitimately reads this thing, although I've said before (I think) that this is mostly for me anyway. It's true... I don't know who else I'd be writing these mundane thoughts for... Maybe Jesus or Hare Krishna or something.

Why?

Is everyone as self-centered as I am?  By everyone I mean every human. Am I really selfish? Am I justified in being angry right now? I hate being this mad and not knowing if I have a legitimate reason to be so.

I'm probably just a selfish asshole. Oh well, at least 1 song on the album is almost completely done. Pretty sweet.

what a trip.

The events of the last week have been so intense and overwhelming that I find myself wondering where the days went. Today was a horrible experience and I just want it to be over. My mind is so frightened right now. The darkness... silence... there isn't anything it is okay with that is not sensually engaging for me, but I'm so tired and all I want to do is go to sleep. I feel as if this is a good opportunity for me to share a song that I've written, more for me than everyone else, but that's what this is for anyway isn't it.

Castle in the Clouds

I'm tired, I haven't slept a wink in three days

And I know that I'm from some place that is quite far away

But still, is that the way to treat someone like me?

Cause you just seem to do what you please

They say once it grows dark here it never turns back

But you point and you grin and you laugh and then you ask

Is it you? I swear that you don't belong

And I know soon you'll be long dead and gone

Walk through this maze

You will not

Sometimes I just feel like drifting away in my head

I'm speaking these words but no one has heard what I've said

In time I know you'll see my point of view

And then we'll bend the facts to match what is true

Wet my feet in the creek as it drifts slow up the hill

Time has been lost here but forever has been as well

So dream of houses up among the stars 

But we know none of them will ever be one of ours

I don't like the last line there, but I'll fix it eventually. I wrote this with somebody else in mind, but it feels more like a conversation with myself now. Strange feeling.

I hate titles

Is it wrong for me to dislike my girlfriend's favorite musician when she likes all of my favorite musicians? Probably. I don't know, I just don't like him.

I feel down for no reason. I'm not enjoying my life right now... I feel empty and meaningless. I don't even enjoy playing my music right now. It's all stupid and meaningless; nonsensical words, boring guitar work, and shitty vocals. Why should I even bother recording my music when 90% of the planet will never hear, and 60-80% of the people that do hear it will disregard it as horrible.

And don't tell me it's worth it to go for that target audience. Bullshit. At least school is almost over so I can sit around moping all day.

Is this life?

Pretty crazy how fast moods can change. I went from being fairly happy and confident about the rest of this week to being extremely angry and depressed with extreme negativity about the end of this week.

Basically what I'm saying is that I hate my life.

6 days of glory

Already have six days of studio time booked with my buddy Johnny for the beginning of summer. The most epic production of my life has begun, and I am going to see it through until the end. Once it's finished it will be one of the ambitious things I've ever undertaken and completed. I'm excited for the feeling once it's done.

It'll be slightly related to the feeling I had upon completing my math final today. Not only was it my last math assignment of the school year, but it will be last math anything forever. No required classes at Evergreen... Fuck yes. 

I'm done! Thank you fucking... Zeus?

The love drug

Why does being drunk make you so happy? I don't understand at all. Honest as hell too... I think a new interrogation technique should be to get prisoners just wasted enough to put them into this excellent mood where they'll start talking about anything you want. Anyway... I'm sleepy.

Oh. Look up Cloud Cult (it's a band).

An end to the trip?

Apparently every bit of emotional exertion is not enough. Legitimate dedication is evidently absent from the youth of this age.

Fuck this. Fuck you too. Why are you even reading this bullshit?

5 Hour Energy

You know for sure that a drink is European when it comes in liters. Keep that in mind when buying your beverages. Anyway, just checking in with some thoughts at 2 a.m. on Tuesday morning. I'm here pulling an all-nighter writing a paper on Philip K. Dick. The subject matter is making it extremely enjoyable, yet the hours of work are a bit intense. My back is hurting and all I want is a joint to fix it, but I'd rather have a chiropractor get on top of that shit. Sometimes I wish that my girlfriend was a chiropractor, but unfortunately I do not think it is to be... Alas, she has myriad other redeeming qualities. Speaking of myriad I'd like to take a moment to discuss the word:

Myriad can be defined two ways, as a noun or as an adjective. My sophomore english teacher, Mr. Ross brought this question up into my head many a time. Is it myriad ways, or a myriad of ways? The answer: it's both. Do whatever the hell you think looks and sounds better. I personally flip back and forth. I wonder what Philip K. Dick woulda said... Who knows?

Not me.

"It's not I, Travis"

Shush, Ms. Chiarella.

The myth of creativity

Do you ever have moments where you feel like a creative genius? I do, but the strange thing is that generally I don't feel that creative. Yet, there is an oxymoron in that adjective. Is the definition of creative not something pertaining to an original work? Something created? Wouldn't anyone who created anything, genius or not, be considered creative?

I don' like that use of the word though. I'd prefer to be creative in a more positive manner than in the other manner.

Some of you (no one?) might ask: Travis, what is provoking these deep, deep ruminations? Well, I'm glad you asked. Tonight at 10:00 p.m., work on The Mattresses album recommenced with work on a song titled Insomniacs Dream in Monochrome. Several strange things were associated with this recording session. First and foremost was simply the hour of recording. The session took place from 10-midnight and was quite relaxing (Parliament break around 11). Only the base track of Insomniacs was recorded, but that is not bad at all considering the second strange incident. The really strange thing was that the song is 6 minutes long... I thought the song was around 4 minutes, maybe 5 tops. But 6 minutes? I suppose it's good that it doesn't feel that long.

I think the album may be longer than I originally intended, but that's okay. As long as it flows nicely, I don't really care too much about the length. Although less than 50 minutes would be preferable (really not sure how likely that is). Anyway, it wasn't the recording that felt creative, that was more relaxing. It was my mixing and editing that made me feel artistically creative, and I must say feeling that way is pleasant.

Better than feeling any other way, I might say.

Album!

The pre-production of The Mattresses album is now complete. All we have to do now is execute it. Far out...

Parliament

It's strange... I used to despise Parliament cigarettes with their fancy, recessed paper filter. But now? Well, I don't particularly care for cigarettes too much (other than that word... "cigarettes") but Parliaments are definitely not bad at all.

This would bring up the question: Travis, do you smoke? The answer? No. I never ever light myself on fire and let someone suck on one end of me so that they burn me and get some smoke out the filter.

What are you talking about? Who knows, man... Not even I know what I'm trying to say sometimes. Maybe my point is that it is funny how things turn out sometimes. Sometimes it is even ironic... and that's when you have to just sit there and be sarcastic about it all.

That's also when you laugh and light a Parliament.

Nostalgia

Nostalgia is a strange feeling. I do not want to be in the past, knowing what I know of the occurrences between then and now, yet I feel sad that the moment is gone. Why is this? I don't know.

Maybe it's because I realize I'm that much closer to dying.

Is there anybody in there?

Good question. I never thought I would be sitting alone at my computer on a Monday night questioning my life, but here I am. What do I do? What have I done? Does any of it have any meaning? I've always felt that the meaning of life was to be remembered, if not by all, by just a few. If you can be remembered for a hundred years, you've done it.

But wait. There are what? 6 billion people in the world? Who can remember all of them? I can't even remember the names of all the people in my Biology class. Who will remember me when I'm dead and gone? Probably my kids, my friends, my wife... maybe grandchildren will vaguely recall what I looked like. What if I died tomorrow? Who would remember me then? Maybe about 100-200 people total, but I would fade from 90% of their minds within a month or two. One face in millions that just happened to disappear too soon.

Maybe the meaning of life is not to be remembered. If that were so, there would be trillions of biographies floating around the world. Maybe I'm just afraid of being forgotten. Who am I to be remembered? I'm just another musician trying to make some scratch on the world. There's no point. Fuck, I'm sure between Beethoven, Miles Davis, The Beatles, and Radiohead everything that needed to be said has been said.

Maybe the meaning of life is to be forgotten. Maybe if enough of us are forgotten the ones that should be remembered will be. Maybe I'm among the forgotten.